Cracker Barrel in a Trailer Park

I'm back in FL for the holidays, and after a concert last night in Orlando, Terri and I desperately searched Tampa for our first meal at 1 PM. Knowing my huge appetite in situations like this, along with my quest for southern food, we set our sights on Cracker Barrel.

After receiving misguided directions, we finally found the place. Yup. It's situated literally in the largest Trailer Park I've ever seen in my life, about halfway between Tampa and Plant City. Only in the south do they put the nicest restaurant within a 20 mile radius in the middle of a trailer park. Yes indeed, I'm back in the south. Chicken Fried Chicken, mashed tators, biscuits, hash brown casserole, and mac n cheese. If only Uncle Jethro was out back gigging frogs, it would have been a true southern lunch...

Happy New Year!

Thoughts on Thailand Disaster

Most of you all know I made it back from Thailand a few weeks ago, but I've received a few phone calls and emails of concern. I left Thailand on Dec. 13 for Tokyo. Thanks for asking...

However, among the places you're seeing on TV (Phuket, Patong, Phi Phi Island, Kata Beach, Kao Lok), Terri and I were at ALL of them. We spent 2 1/2 weeks on the southern Thai Beaches, and for me it's quite eerie to watch and hear the stories emerge from the disaster. I can actually recognize some of the places you keep seeing in the video footage that they show over and over...

Initially, when I heard a tsunami came in, like many, I didn't realize it was a big deal. Just a couple of waves, right? Apparently not. From what I'm seeing, the waves came in for 90 minutes, and the "lucky" people clung on to whatever they could for many hours keeping above water.

Although Sri Lanka and Indonesia appears to have suffered much more loss than Thailand, it's those areas I just visited 2 weeks ago that makes me think. Not only were we there, but an article I read on CNN.com stated the specific resort we stayed at on Phi Phi Island (PP Charlie Resort) was completely washed away. For five nights in the islands, we stayed in small bungalows near the water. USAToday.com actually had a picture of the resort right next to ours on Phi Phi, and all the bungalows were piled up in the ocean like they were made of toothpicks. Quite a hair-raising feeling. It kind of makes me wonder about the people who served us breakfast on the beach, begged to tote our luggage around like we were rich, or whisked us off in longtail boats for snorkeling or cliff-jumping. I can remember some of them by name, and I'm certain they would have been working their jobs at 8 AM when it hit.

Obviously, both local Thai's and tourists are suffering in ways we can't imagine in our country. Yes, 9-11 was an unforgettable tragedy for us here. But what's scary is that in raw numbers of total deaths, this tsunami (50,000 and climbing) has already surpassed 10 times more disastrous than both 9-11 and Pearl Harbor combined. In addition, there are so many people there that depend on tourism as a means of life. Seemingly, everyone in the southern islands depend on tourists for income, Thailand's #1 Product. Not only will they be affected directly and immediately, but Southeast Asia as a whole will feel the impact for years.

If you read my travel journals, you might remember how I complained how the locals constantly are trying to sell you something you don't want, take you in their scary taxi, or feed you some crazy fish on-a-stick. These are the people that live on shacks near the water, their children play on the beach all day while they work, and they certainly are far below the poverty level by our standards. Despite this, like many underdeveloped nations, the Thais collectively maintained a happiness and wealth amongst material "poorness" that was refreshing to see.

I'm anxious to share all of my photos on webshots.com. Starting next Monday, I'll be working at a rehab in FL until February. Once my computer is up and running in about 6 weeks, I'll be able to get them all online so you can view at once. I've seen them all at the photo store, and I think you'll find them interesting. If you have a few spare bucks, please head over to: https://www.redcross.org/donate/donation-form.asp If you feel compelled, you can make a tax-deductable donation for direct international disaster assistance. I think it's a pretty good idea.

Day 39-End of Trip!

After a short walk around Akihabara for some shopping, it was off to to the subway for the 2 hour commute to the airport. With a basic understanding of the subway system this time, it was 100% less stressful. The subway literally has 22 lines, all intersecting in a maze-like manner. When you look at the map, it looks like someone took 22 different colored markers and just scribbled all over the paper. It's wild. But after the first day, it actually starts to make sense. Despite what we were told prior to arrival, all the stations are marked in English; otherwise, I'd still be stuck in some station begging for loose change or a bilingual guide.

Flight back was fine and restful, and here I am home.

Upon arrival, Terri and I basically collapsed. It was a solid, full day of sleep. The time change was somewhat of an issue, but all-out fatigue set in. We took almost zero time to just do nothing, which is hard to do on a trip of this magnitude. It's hard to waste a day when you've come so far. Anyway, we're both glad and sad the trip is over, with hopefully many more to come...

Day 38-Tour of Tokyo

Depite our problems with basically every single tour we did in Thailand, we gave it one last shot today. For once, it was a great idea. The guide was fluent in English, our transport was a plush bus instead of the BACK OF A PICKUP, and we couldn't have seen the places better ourselves.

We hit Tokyo Tower (a taller exact replica of Eiffel Tower), Meiji Shrine, Imperial Palace Gardens, and a full driving tour of the city. Following the half-day tour, we decided it was time for some real sushi.

Although Terri doesn't eat the raw stuff, we headed to the fish market area. Waiting nearly an hour in the cold, we finally got inside the seemingly popular place. It seated only 10 people around the bar, and there was barely enough room for that. It was definitely the freshest and best sushi I've ever had. They even forced a few things down me that I normally would never have eaten (a piece of sushi containing HUGE Orange Salmon Eggs), but I refused to be defeated by these sushi chefs. Their faces showed quiet delight at watching me struggle... Like many people, when the chefs asked where we were from, all I had to say was, "Seattle." This was followed immediately by ICHIROOOOOO!!!" They still love this ball player, and equally love Starbucks. We suprisingly had 2 Starubucks within a 2 minute walk of us in Bangkok, but in Tokyo..... There must be over 50 of them. We saw them all over the place. Much like Seattle.

The rest of the night was spent in the Roppongi area and just walking around. Tokyo is a great city, quite like New York in many ways. It's much cleaner, however, and the people so respectful of each other and even us. So many people would stop us for many reasons. Some just wanted to help us get around, even though we usually had figured it out. Many wanted to know what we were doing, and many others just wanted to practice their English. I was impressed with their culture, and it was a hundred times more disciplined than what you see here. Not that it's good or bad, but definitely different. Even at McDonald's. they frantically take your order, get your food, and bow to you in thanks.

Day 37-First Day in Tokyo

The best night of sleep in the last 5 weeks for sure! Real beds, feather pillows, down comforters!

Today was a busy day exploring as much as we could. We hit the Sony headquarters, which had 6 floors of demos of all their up and coming products. Very impressive. The Edo-Tokyo Museum was nice as well, as they provided an English interpreter free of charge to give us a personal tour. For some reason, we didn't have the 2 armed guards with us like the Princess of Jordan who was ahead of us the whole time. I can't figure out why.

Heading to Tokyo Station around rush hour, we saw a collection of large people in the main lobby. Around a 30 foot Christmas Tree (from WA State we were told), a symphony, conductor, and 3 opera singers were just starting a Christmas performance. It was a charity show for refugees around the world, and their voices were quite suprising. As most of you could probably guess, opera isn't exactly my idea of a fun night out. But this one Japanese girl in particular couldn't have been more than 20 years old and had a voice that was out of this world. They did mostly Christmas tunes in Japanese, then to opera in Italian. It was by far the moment I will take from Japan and probably never forget.

After this, we headed to the district of Shibuya, which literally has the busiest crosswalk in the world. It is hilarious. All of the traffic lights turn red at once, and then I'm willing to bet over a thousand people flood the street in all directions. We crossed several times, just going randomly to experience the mayhem. No particular direction. Once I just stood in the middle and watched everyone running around, wondering what makes time so precious here to engage people into running in all directions. Certainly interesting.

Day 36-Arrival to Tokyo

After catching another early flight out of BKK, we arrived at Narita Airport after a 5 hour flight. Funny thing, on my ticket it says I'm flying to Tokyo. In reality, you land about 60 miles away and it takes 2 hours by train to get to Tokyo. It should be noted that the first 2 things I saw after coming out of immigration was a Starbucks and a jersey of Ichiro. Am I in Seattle?

Perhaps the single worst part of the trip occurred at this time. Carrying my 50 pound pack, along with 2 other heavy bags full of junk I've seemed to pick up along with way, we zig-zagged around the Tokyo Subway Stations in desperate search for the hotel. Terri had a proportional amount of stuff for her small frame, and the people on the trains were looking at us like we were from Mars. Hiking through the Thai junlges with leeches attached to my ankles was nothing compared to the hell that is involved with being lost in Tokyo with 100 pounds of luggage on your back...

As for the local Japanese... The culture was an immediate difference from Thailand. Black and white... Thai's have a laissez-faire attitude about everything, and basically nothing is important enough do complete it in a hurry. Japanese--they can't do things fast enough. People are literally RUNNING through the subway, and I don't just mean a few people. People of all ages in all directions are running like the police are chasing them. The guy at the hotel completed our check-in like he was on a timer, and if it took longer than 20 seconds, electrodes attached to him would zap intensely. You see it on the movies, but it's really crazy to step out of the subway station and see hundreds of people running around like a tornado is coming.

The other obvious difference with Japan is the economy. We had expected the worst, and actually, things aren't as expensive as you may think. An expensive guesthouse in Thailand ran us about $15 per night. The one we stayed at in Tokyo was $75 per night, and it was the most inexpensive one available. It actually was quite pleasant, especially with flush toilets (the toilet paper can actually go into the water!), and a shower head that would blow you away-- even by US standards. The food here also isn't as bad as I've been told. We easily found traditional Japanese meals for $8-$12 in restaurants. My one big sushi meal cost me $20, which even in the US is very easy to eclipse. I imagine the people who talk about Japan being so expensive are on expense accounts and eating in fancy hotel restaurants. Otherwise, Tokyo can be done without breaking the bank.

The next interesting thing is the way people dress. It's like a fashion show all over the place. All men wear black suits. Period. Nothing else. All the women are dressed like they're going out for a night on the town. So naturally, as Terri and I dressed like we were ready for the Thai Jungle in our "safari-wear," my 6'2 frame stood out in the crowd.

We spent the night plodding through Shinjuku, a lively area full of restaurants, bars, and Pachinko Bars. Pachinko, from what I can tell, is a casino game that resembles a cross between pinball and a slot machine. The Japanese hang out in there, smoke like chimneys, and watch little steel balls hopelessly fall into holes. I couldn't quite get it enough to throw my cash away.

Day 35-Hollywood in Bangkok

Last day in Bangkok. We started the day heading up the Chao Phraya River to check out the Royal Barges Museum. Very cool boats, detailed in gold, hundreds of feet long, in ancient Thai Tradition.

After stopping at the Golden Buddha Temple, we hit the subway and headed to Siam Shopping Area. This was one of the more memorable moments of the trip: the movie The Incredibles. I have several friends who are movie freaks, and just for this experience alone, they should come to Bangkok. A VIP Gold Class Movie Ticket will run you 600 Baht ($15). It's insane. You are first brought into their club room, a bar room worthy of any fancy hotel. You get free sodas and appetizers here. About 10 minutes before movie time, you`re brought into your own theater. There`s about 20 leather loveseat couches in the theater (which is full-size) and no seats. The couch is as plush as it gets, has a built in heater, and comes with remote controls for recline and a full on massage system. It was ridiculous.

A waitress then brought us our popcorn and 2 whiskey-cokes, just as the previews start. Also included is a goody bag with fleece blanket, pillow, and a pair of socks. By far, the craziest movie theater I`ve ever seen, all first class. Perhaps there is not enough people willing to pay a high price for this in the US, but I wanted to see another movie immediately. The whole experience was A rate. Off to Tokyo tomorrow..... Only 3 more days left.

Day 34-Shopping and Eating in Bangkok

Having booked the airfares months in advance, I just wasn't clued-in enough to realize how early a 6 AM flight is. Yup, wake-up call at 4, at the airport by 5. This is the last leg of the Thailand portion of the trip, and we were in our Bangkok guesthouse by 8.

We dragged ourselves out into the heat (about 10 degrees cooler, but still feels like 85), and went to the weekend market. Simply put, it's huge. With everything you could imagine. From cheap things you'd never want, to REALLY good and strange foods, to full-on pet shops jammed into the middle of the very "sardine" packed stalls. They had rabbits, dogs, squirrels tied up with yarn, snakes, and freaky rodents of all shapes and sizes. Mom, guess what'll be in your stocking this year?! The rest of the day was spent shopping and grabbing those last minute items we or our friends can't live without.

Chuck, my Dad's businnes contact, again took us to dinner at what he described as "the best Thai restaurant." I think he is right. For only 3 of us, we ordered 2 appetizers and about 8 entrees, along with sticky rice (with coconut milk) and mango for dessert. This guy's mission is to make me pop, I'm sure. But the food was to his description, and VERY good.

Day 33-Another Day in Samui Paradise

Today was perhaps the laziest, do-nothing day of the trip. It was great. Breakfast lying down again in the beach bungalow, with the elephant roaring down the way. I'm digging the "lie-down" meals, and I think it's something US restaurants should adopt.

Now, I've received feedback that I'm complaining about Thai culture perhaps too much, but this is something that just needs to be said: I have literally gone the last month with repeatedly banging my head into everything. All doorways, restaurants, hotel roofs, and the number one culprit: bathrooms. I know Thais are constucting things for themselves, but not kidding, I drew blood on my skull today. OK, I'm done ranting. For the past 2 weeks, Terri has been taping our luggage tags to all the bathroom doorways, and for the most part, I'm good. But if Santa is listening, I'd like a CT Scan for Christmas to make sure I've got enough neurons left to go back to work. If not, that's OK too. In that case, please include winning Lotto tickets in my stocking. Cookies will be out for ya.

After catching a tuk-tuk to find some scenic spots on the island, the rest of the day was spent napping, getting massages on the beach, and enjoying a dinner on the beach at night. The food here is very good, there's a million places on the water to choose from (tables literally feet from the water), and a dinner for 2 (with drinks), will run around $6 or $7 US. And this is on the high range of places we've been in Thailand. Going out to eat back home will be tough...

Day 32-Lounging in Ko Samui

Today we got breakfast at the hotel. They've built nice little bungalow huts only feet from the water, and you eat by lying down on your side with pillows to support. Just like eating on the couch--I'm used to this already! There's also live Thai music being played in another hut, and the food was fantastic. Wow, resort vacations can be nice, and I'm glad we saved this treat for the end.

After finishing our final bites, we heard an elephant roar from down the beach. Investigating, it appears our hotel has a 3 year-old pet elephant. Despite it's 1 ton size, it was still quite small (relatively speaking). We were allowed to feed him and then take short rides bareback down the beach on him. I must say this is the first time I've stayed at any hotel with it's own playpal elephant.

The rest of the day was spent lounging, getting massages, swimming in the pool, and catching dinner and a Thai Dance show at the resort. There were only 5 couples in attendance, each with their own bamboo hut to watch the show and eat really good seafood.

December appears to be a great time to visit. Evening entertainment was a walk down the strip of bars and restaurants, only to allow ourselves to be dragged into Christy's Cabaret. If you don't know (I didn't), Cabaret here means "Drag Show," with more transvestites dressed up in feathers then you've ever seen in your life. Some of them, shall we say, were surgically enhanced in a manner that I wish to remove the visual from long-term memory. It was actually quite funny, and although we were there for only a beer, the friendliness and aggressive hospitality of our hosts (hostesses?) soon had me running for the door.

Day 31-Transport to Ko Samui

Today was another long travel day. Shaking off last night's whiskey, we threw our packs together and waited on the side of the road for the bus. After an hour, it arrived at 8, and we were off to Surat Thani to the next bus station.

Two nights prior, our guesthouse owner, Toy, told us of rival gangs of boys getting into fights recently. Unfortunately, only 30 minutes down the road, we saw something horrible. The police had about 20 kids (all around 12-16 years old), all lying face down on the pavement in the middle of the highway. As our bus went "offroad" to negotiate around the mess, it was clear to me at least 2 of these kids were not lying face down and rested in a very awkward position. Upon a further look, it was much worse--something I wish I can forget soon. No more details, but it was quite sad, as some of the Thai women on the bus were going ballistic. We passed oncoming ambulances about 15 minutes later, but much too late. Different world here, but then again, maybe not.

After 2 hours on the bus, we changed to yet another bus for another hour and half ride, finally getting to the ferry pier. 2 hours later through choppy waves, we landed on Ko Samui, a great Island off the East Coast of Southern Thailand. It's gorgeous here--coconut trees everywhere, azure-blue water, and a strong breeze. 7 hours after we first waited for the bus, we finally checked into the hotel.

Per my buddy Ramon's suggestion, the Muang Kulay Pan Resort is 5 Star compared to everywhere else we stayed. Light years ahead, redeeming hope that I may leave this country in comfort. The bathroom is literally bigger than some of our entire rooms on this trip, and the room itself is ultra-modern and very clean with both hot water and flush toilet. It's like something out of a fancy hotel magazine. Doing a 40 day trip, it's not realistic or affordable to stay in places like this every night. As a matter of fact, most of the towns we've visited don't even have a place half this nice. But on Ko Samui, about $50 a night buys you something that could easily be $300+ in the US.

As the room is only paces from a nice pool and the beach, we dined on some spicy Thai for lunch and then got a massage ($5 per hour is the rate here). Again, this lady had me clenching in pain, and it really does ride the line between moderate pain and a good massage. The massage bungalow is only feet from the waves coming in, and I'm sure to be back tomorrow...

Evening entertainment was walking down the strip and snacking on some McDonald's. It was perhaps the best McDonald's I've ever had. Terri agrees, the fries are about the same, and it's not as fattening here and quite tasty. Mmmmm, cheeseburgers.......

Day 30-Khao Sok Cave Tour

Today was a rather exciting day. Feeling we might need proper guidance to enjoy the jungle, we booked a full-day trip through the park. Our guesthouse seemed pretty reliable and very friendly, so we went with them. $35 for the day, which in Thailand, is a sizable sum of money. For that amount, we thought we'd get a pretty good tour.

However, when our transport arrived, it was quite evident this would be a "bare bones" operation. It was a regular size pickup, with 5 adults piled in back like schoolkids. None looked too happy and all secretly worried just how long this trip would be. Luckily, the cab of the truck was left empty for Terri and I, and we quickly hopped in.

Our guide Bow drove wildly for over an hour to Chan Liaw Lake, a massive man-made lake created by a dam built 20 years ago. It's undeniably the highlight of Kao Sok Park, with limestone cliffs/islands rising out of the water--some over 3000 feet tall. After meeting our disturbed fellow travellers in the back (from Ohio and Germany), we hopped onto a longtail boat and viewed the morning mist over the lake for another hour ride. Stopping for looks at lizards, monkeys, and plenty of birds, we finally arrived at camp (bamboo huts built onto the water). We were told to swim (ummm, no thanks, are there leeches?), and were served a really tasty lunch.

Embarking on the focal point of the journey, we took another longtail boat for 15 minutes into truly the middle of nowhere. After hiking for another hour through some pretty cool jungle, we arrived at the mouth of a cave. This is where the real fun began. We had a total of 2 flashlights for 7 people, and it was VERY dark. A river actually flows through the cave, and at first, water was only ankle deep here and there. Going against the river, we saw thousands of bats (sometimes arm's reach overhead), crabs, HUGE catfish swimming by your legs, tropical frogs, spiders as big as your face, and plenty of other critters I hope I don't see again. The further we went in, the narrower the cave walls became and the deeper the river got. There were also plenty of internal waterfalls in the cave and at times the water's sound was deafening.

Finally, we got to the point where water was 10-15 feet deep and we had to swim (pulling on a rope) through a subterranean gorge. Ummm, did I sign up for this? It was insane. Later, our guide said a few people have actually died doing this trip. Lovely. Despite the high fear-factor, the cave was really gorgeous. Stalactites and stalagmites, quartz deposits, and very cool rock formations when we could see them. Right along with the constant smell of bat dung and sound of rushing water and critter sounds.... We actually really enjoyed this portion, as again, NOWHERE in the USA would any lawyer tolerate an operation like this.

After finally surviving the cave, it was another hour trek back to the boat, 15 minute ride to the hut for fruit, then another hour longtail boat back to the car. Apparently signing up for the "true" rainforest/jungle experience, it started POURING rain on the one hour boatride back. Being a true Seattlite, I was the only one with my raincoat. It barely mattered though, after swimming in caves for an hour...

Now the real fun portion of the trip. Feeling lucky to get the cab of the truck for the way in, AND wearing a raincoat, I felt obligated to get into the back of our 1st class transport truck back. All the while, looking at the other tourists crawling into their covered pickup trucks seen so commonly throughout Thailand. Terri crawled into the front, and it was a bumpy hour of hell for me. Full-on rain in the back of a crappy pickup with a couple of Germans, going 60 mph on a less than adequate highway. Ready to come to Thailand?

Now's a good time to tell you about the driving here. The driver sits on the right, and you drive on the left side of the road. Fine, I can deal with that. However, all traffic laws and painted lines on the road are PURELY "suggestion only." If there's any rule I can find to traffic, it's that motorcycles and mopeds yield for everyone. And they seem to be littered all over the roads like mosquitoes. The middle of the road (right over the line) is open to anyone who wants it. Blind curves? No matter. Giant Coconut truck coming straight at you? No matter, just keep going down the middle of the road. Pedestrian crossing the street? They better move or it's all over for them... The hour drive in the rain, then dark, was much more terrifying than the jungle or cave. Anyway, a local system of flashes and beeps of the horn tells potential head-on collisions where you're going, and luckily, I'm still in one piece.

Again, being the only people staying at Pantaroot Lodge, we were cooked a wonderful green curry dinner and desperately drank our rice whiskey with Toy, the lodge owner. Nice guy with interesting stories of the jungle...

Day 29-Waterfall Jungle Hike with Leeches

Catching a 7:30 AM bus, we arrived around noon at Khao Sok National Park, a huge area truly in the middle of jungle. This place houses wild monkeys, tigers, clouded leopards, elephants, bears, and lots of other wildlife.

Getting off the bus, we were greeted with "rock star" status. This has been happening lots on our trip, as the second we are in the open, we're mobbed by about 10 people tring to get us to stay at their hotel. It can be quite frustrating, especially when they're grabbing arms and asking ridiculous amounts of cash. Anyway, we checked into our reserved bungalow, Pantaroot Lodge. Thank God we booked ahead for nearly every night prior to leaving Seattle, as we'd have gotten "taken to the cleaners" almost daily and it's quite a hassle dealing with these people.

Our bungalow was rated in Lonely Planet as the most upscale in the whole area. It was actually nice, but yup, no flushing toilet, no hot water, and our back porch looming right at the edge of jungle. Actually, not bad.

After a yummy lunch, we made our way to the park around 2 PM. Despite a Frenchman telling us it was too late and to turn back, we rebuffed his advice and headed toward Sip-Et Chen Waterfall. I hike all the time in the Northwest. How tough can this be? Well, it was almost ugly. About halfway, we realized we forgot both food and our flashlights. Again considering a premature return, we foraged ahead. The terrain at first seemed easy, then it was all-out jungle with Tarzan vines hanging, bamboo forests, roots covering what trail there was, and the trail altogether disappearing at times. In addition, there were 6 river crossings, which made it difficult to navigate. That's when a local teenage couple in FLIP-FLOPS cruised past as (and we were going fast)... They knew enough English to get out the word "Leech." I'd read there were leeches in the jungle, tried to be careful, but to no avail. I had about 5 sliver sized little guys around my ankle, and I was bleeding so bad I had to throw away the sock. Lovely. Terri enjoyed it about as much as I did. Well, perhaps less. These little bloodsucking fiends are quite resilient, as they latch onto your shoes or pantlegs, somersault their way to your body, inject an anticoagulant into your skin, and you bleed like crazy. It takes about 20 minutes for a little opening to stop bleeding. It required a sharp rock to scrape them off, as we had no tobacco to get them to fall simply fall off.

So as you can see, this hike is real fun so far! We finally got to the highly disappointing waterfall, something that would be considered less than a trickle in WA State. Turning around nearly immediately, we discarded a few more leeches and headed back. Darkness was imminent. Going back, we had real trouble finding the trail at the river crossings. Great. Luckily, a German couple that knew the area well built cairns (rocks piled on top of each other) to flag the trail for us at tough spots. If it wasn't for that, we'd still probably be snuggled up against some carnivorous plant, with a spotted leopard eyeing his next meal...

Just as darkness hit, we made it out. Only 5 miles, but it felt like 10. Oh, and we had more leeches to remove when we got back too. It's impossible to feel the tenacious little beasts when they're slurping on your leg.

After a quick dinner, an apparent low complete blood count left me ill. I was asleep by 8:30.

Day 28-Phuket Town on the King's Birthday

Today was another early rise, an all out assault on the yummy buffet breakfast, and a 9 o'clock cruise back to the mainland. We checked into our $8 a night guesthouse in the town of Phuket, and lunch was at a great little cafe in a swanky hotel (which obviously I wasn't staying at). Spicy Tuna sandwich (regular tuna fish with Thai herbs and chili's--it was AWESOME), and since it's the King's Birthday (apparently a big deal here), there was nothing open.

Being the savvy tourists we are, we found the ultimate Thai experience for this 90 degree day. BOWLING! It was pretty standard bowling, except they have incense burning everywhere instead of cigarette smoke, and the pins are all painted as saffron-robed monks and golden-hued Buddhas. Just kidding, it was standard fare, all the way down to the neon colors and rock music blaring. A great way to escape the heat.

With sore thumbs, we returned back to the lovely room, only to discover we've been invaded by microscopic ants. They were only successful in capturing some cookies, so I spent the good portion of 15 minutes using my Alaskan Bear techinques and tying up the rest of our food and hanging it from the closet hanger-rod. Hopefully these ants are less advanced then my defensive tactics. After a catnap and another good dinner of pizza and Thai Food, we're off to make last minute preparation for tomorrow's travel. Note to self: Unless you want Oscar Meyer Weiner Pizza, NEVER (I repeat, NEVER) order sausage pizza in Thailand. My pizza definitely should NOT spell M-E-Y-E-R. Just 2 weeks left... Off to the jungle...

Day 27-Lounging in Phi Phi

Today started with yet another glorious buffet breakfast, followed by an early snorkeling cruise. We hit 3 beaches, including the famous Maya Beach from the movie aptly entitled, yup, "The Beach." The snorkeling was suprisingly good, with Terri spotting 4 sharks to my zero. However, I did spot a moray eel, lionfish, trumpetfish, 2 mating squid (HUGE), and a blue/black sea-snake.

The rest of the day was spent lounging in the cabana, resting on the beach, and snacking on Thai Food. A pretty lazy day. No other real notes of interest, other than the transvestite volleyball player worthy of the Thai Olympic Volleyball Team. He/She was spiking on everyone, despite the lack of heigth. Maybe it was the high heels...

Day 26-Cliff Jumping in Phi Phi

Let me reiterate, it is WONDERFUL to wake up in an Air Conditioned room. I'm glad we're here for 3 nights. In addition, PP Charlie's Hotel comes with the best complimentary breakfast buffet I've ever had. It was loaded with Thai food (Phad Thai, Fried rice with crab), American food (eggs, bacon, taters), Euro food, pastries, made to order omelets, and fresh tropical fruit. I ate far beyond capacity.

Terri's been sick for a few days with seasickness, so I explored much of the day on my own. Phi Phi Island is small enough that there's no roads, so I walked back into the jungle where the locals live and it was quite interesting. I even got to play with someone's pet monkey, all the while wishing I had accepted the rabies shot offered to me at the Travel Doc clinic before I left.

With a little encouragement, I got Terri out to join on the snorkel/cliff-jumping tour this afternoon. She did most of the snorkeling, I did all the cliff jumping. Laced up in my loaned pink tennis shoes and mittens for rock-climbing to the top, I looked 100% out of my element. Should I let it go, or can I ask why they give the white farang the pink tennies and make me wear mittens to climb? Well, it was more than I bargained for. Luckily I'm left with no major injuries, despite a slightly sprained wrist and swallowing a gallon of seawater. I was brave enough to jump 5 times from a 50 foot cliff, but it scared the crap out of me, and no way was I courageous enough to go off the 80 foot one. My guide jumped from 60 feet out of a tree, but I could only imagine the headlines if I attempted: "Farang Fish Food, Nemo's on the Reef Full."

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The snorkeling was quite nice, as we were not far from port. Plenty of color down under, along with a moray eel, lots of lionfish, parrotfish, angelfish, sweetlip clams, and some very cool red and purple coral. A very good Thai dinner followed, coupled with the nightly rainstorm. Off to bed, and hopeful for some sun tomorrow.

Day 25-Phi Phi Island

After a short night's sleep, we got up early to catch our next boat. Today's destination: Phi Phi Islands. Our tourist agent sold us tickets a few days earlier, assuring us the boat was nice, air-conditioned, and a pleasant 2 hour ride. In all REALITY, it was non-air conditioned, packed twice to the "suggested" capacity, and moderately uncomfortable at best.

We finally did find some seats down below, and although Terri nearly tossed her cookies, we made it safely. Ko Phi Phi immediately showed why it's touted so highly. The water is turquoise-blue, the islands rise high out of the water, covered in jungle, and it really is beautiful. If you've ever seen "The Beach" with Leonardo DiCaprio, it was filmed here.

One of our few splurges on the trip, our bungalow is air conditioned, very clean, and easily the nicest room I've seen yet. Still quite cheap, $50 per night (which in some towns in Thailand will get you a 5 Star Room). The food seems quite Western so far, but I have spotted a few good Thai places for tomorrow. After some lounging, a little beach time, and a full belly, it's on for a couple more days of paradise here...

Day 24-Similan Islands, Part Two

OK, is it really December, and I'm waking up to 80 degree weather and a 7:30 AM dive? Yup, life can be good.

I should note that the Similan Islands have vibrant reefs, plentiful sealife, and each trip has potential for submarine magic. It happened on Dive #1 today. Barely shaking the cobwebs out of my eyes, we dipped down to about 110 feet and allowed the current to push us into the path of an 8 foot Leopard Shark, large octopus, and very large sea turtle gnawing on soft reef. I'm not joking, all in a 30 second time frame. It was top of the list as far my "dive moments."

We did 2 more dives today, following stingrays, lionfish, scorpionfish, moray eels, an octopus changing color from black to beige after we chased it, and about a thousand other fish I couldn't identify. I've had the chance to dive in some unique places, but this ranks very high on the list for the overall amount of sealife. From my eyes, perhaps only Kealakekua Bay on Big Island comes close.

The ride back was torture. The speedboat failed again, this time it was unfortunately NOT a shark. The boat captain's emergency "technical" attempts of simply starting, stopping, starting and stopping (times 100) the engine got us nowhere. Stranded with no land in sight in any direction, we waited for another boat to pick us up. After we finally returned, waited another 45 minutes for our bags to come, we "enjoyed" a 2 hour bus-ride on dark windy curves, back to the hostel.

A quick cheeseburger, need to shower, and more adventure tomorrow... Hopefully no more sharks or bad engines...

Day 23-Similan Islands, Part One

Today is the start of a 2 day dive-trip in the Similan Islands. West of Phuket (island in Southern Thailand), the Similan's are a small chain of islands accessible for us by a 1.5 hour busride to Khao Lak, followed by a 2 hour speedboat ride. Our speedboat was briefly interrupted as engine #2 failed on the boat. As the deckhand went to investigate, he casually announced we've just chopped up a shark, as he heaves the remains into the ocean. Uhhh, OK, the first shark of the trip! Apparently not a smart or agile one.

We finally arrived onboard by 10 AM, and before we even could sit down were doing our morning briefing and putting gear on. We did 3 great dives today, finally succumbing to seasickness and skipping the dark night dive.

The boat was first class, which was quite relieving after some of the places we've stayed. No bugs, clean rooms, and the food was excellent. Well, most of the food, other than the dried-up mini fish, unfortunately similar looking to beef. It was a dining moment I'd chose to forget, and suprisingly it looked like really good beef and I had piled it on the plate... There were plenty of deckhands to help us don and doff our divesuits, help with tanks, and whatever we needed. Plus, a never-ending free supply of Orange Fanta. I don't know why or how I've become addicted to this drink, but I can't seem to get enough of it. New Zealand has their meat pies, Thailand has Orange Fanta. Sometimes it's the little unexpected delights...

After passing out from fatigue around 9 PM, we settled in the TINY (but clean) cabin for sleep.

Day 22-More Phuket Beaches

Today was a nice beach day to tie up some loose ends and recharge the batteries. After a night of listening to blaring music from all the clubs (while trying to sleep), we stumbled into a cafe and enjoyed a nice breakfast.

The majority of the day was spent at Kata Beach, a place full of Norwegians, Swedes, and Danish. Some of them topless sunbathing, and most of those, I wish they weren't. Terri has come up with a bit of wisdom that is proving itself true repeatedly on this trip. The older the guy, the fatter the guy, the smaller the Speedo. It really is true. I don't know who told these Euro guys that Speedos are fashionable, but I personally think they'd look better in old whitey tighty undies, and even that thought is causing me to about lose my dinner. Perhaps upon high-school graduation, they are given their "one-and-only" Speedo, and it's illegal to purchase any more in later years...

Anyway, a nice Thai Dinner in the rain (the first real storm we've seen), and off to bed for a big day tomorrow. The Asian Elvis show was cancelled tonight due to the downpour, but somehow I'll try to move on.

Day 21-Phuket's Finest

After packing our bags (AGAIN!) and hailing an overpriced cab, we headed south to the beachtown of Phuket. Our guidebooks did a poor job in explaining what this place is really like. Imagine a little bit of Waikiki (actually a decent beach), then add all the sleeze of Patpong Bangkok (go-go bars, prostitutes, and he-she's everywhere), and then add another couple thousand tuk-tuk drivers and salespeople all over trying to sell you crap. It's not exactly what we planned for, but fortunately it will be an interesting sight short-lived. Today was spent walking around, doing a little shopping, and telling 5000 people, "No, I don't want your crappy:

1. Fake Armani Suit
2. Fake Designer Watch
3. See-Through Shirt/Swimsuit
4. Chopsticks definitely made of particle-board
5. Brochure to Phi-Phi Island charging me 5 times what I've already booked on my own

Literally, in the shopping area, every 5-10 steps someone else is honking at you or trying to get in your way to sell you. It gets old, and I can tolerate this in small doses. Mostly, I've found ignoring them the best policy to get the least hassle. Only on the rare occasion that they grab my arm do I give them the look or so something verbally to the effect that, "Do that again, you will be pounded into the sidewalk," and I'm on my way, a man of goodwill and Ambassador of strong intenational relations... Perhaps a position remains on Bush's cabinet.

Due to another craving of Western influence, McDonald's was the only restaurant around here that looked good. Then it was on to the bars for a good dose of the nightlife. It was pretty much the worst I've seen anywhere. Middle-aged white men in all directions, courting their night's 18-22 year old Thai escorts. Pure comedy presented itself when we saw some 60 year-old Euro guy in REALLY short cutoff jeans, huge Coke-bottle glasses, a tank-top, a severe limp, and bandaged up from head-to-toe with gauze from an apparent scooter crash. His companion that night looked 20 at most.

After a couple of drinks, we were walking around, the night soon ended after a transvestite attempted to hug me and extend an "Indecent Proposal": "Come to Daddy, OK?!........." OK, that's it. Night's over. Time for bed. I'm BEYOND ready to get out of here and start diving. Good night.

Day 20-Kayaking Phang Nga National Park

Today we woke early to catch our 30 minute taxi to the pier. We took a longtail boat for about 30 minutes, only to be met in the middle of the ocean by another longtail boat, yes, 30 minutes more. The motors on these boats are actually old car engines, and they roar at a deafening level. Finally we arrived to another pier to pick up our kayaking companions: 2 girls from Australia, Susan from Bermuda, and Rob from San Fran. From there, it was another 45 minute boat ride into Phang Nga Bay, a beautiful place with turquoise water, a HOT sunny sky, and awkward limestone cliffs bursting out of the sea in crazy formations. Today we kayaked around 2 islands (LOTS of paddling), with our guides preparing fried rice/fruit for us at lunch. The water was refreshing to swim in, as was the Tarzan vine/swing, with which we launched ourselves into the water. I think my shoulders were about to fall off from the fatigue of paddling. After a long journey back to the hotel, we dined on Curry and Jumbo Shrimp (When I say Jumbo, I mean as big as small lobsters--not kidding) with Susan and Rob. Early to bed, as we are heading further south tomorrow.

Day 19-Beach Time in Hat Nai Yang, Phuket

Today was our first chance on our schedule to "do nothing." What a novel idea, huh? Plan nothing--it's about time! Our bungalow is right across from the beach, so after being directed to the Marine National Park, we headed for a shady spot on the beach.

The snorkeling was nice, the sun was hot but pleasant, and we spent nearly every daylit minute on the beach. Reading, napping, swimming, snorkeling, and watching the crabs fight and catch flies. My new favorite past-time.... Crab-watching. The little white crabs on the beach here are faster than anything you've seen, and quite aggressive. Free entertainment for me. I've also discovered that if you chase them, they quickly tire out and then just stop and jump forward, ready to fight. I've yet to discover how a human should properly fight a crab, but my judgment dictated that I should value my toes more than the shame of backing down from a 3 ounce crab. So I lost the stare-down, game of chicken, whatever you wanna call it...

Apparently today is the Thai New Year, as we found out during dinner. Dinner was again crab and shrimp Thai Food on the beach, with fireworks going off and a really cool tradition of sending off little rafts with a candle and 3 sticks of incense burning. An offering to Buddha perhaps, and good luck for the new year.... Off to bed, as tomorrow will be busy...

Day 18-Thanksgiving Sea Crab

Today was a travel day, catching a quick tuk-tuk to the airport and a long day of air travel to Phuket, an island in the far southwest of Thailand. After a 3 hour layover bookended by 2 one-hour flights, Our ultimate destination was Hat Nai Yang Beach--home of a Marine National Park and little else.

It's amazing how few people are here, as we dined on our Thanksgiving Dinner literally on a table on the beach with no one else in sight (other than the workers). Due to the appearance that no one on this island has heard of "turkey," our dinner for the holiday was Yellow Curry with Crab, Fried Rice with Fresh Crab, Phad Thai with Prawns, spring rolls, a bottle of white, and Banana Pancake with Honey for dessert. No pumpkin pie or stuffing, but it was quite delicious. All this, and an A+ sunset to watch from our table. Believe it or not, our total bill for this feast was about $23, by far our priciest dinner of the trip. Still quite cheap, as the food was among the better meals I've had in a long time.

The sky was bright red for sunset as we sat down, as layer upon layer of clouds provided the perfect backdrop for the sky. Please, I hope the pictures turn out!

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Day 17-Thai Cooking School

Today was Cooking Class day in Chiang Mai. We were picked up and met our fellow cookers at a Cooking School. The owners had a Thai Restaurant in Bangkok for 20 years, and believe it or not, the food I created was REALLY good. Dare I say, "restaurant quality" good! The day started with a tour of the local market, picking up fruits and vegies I've never heard of, getting fresh coconut cream/milk, and some ingredients I can't pronounce and undoubtedly will forget about tomorow. I made Panang Curry (my fave), Spring Rolls, Phad Thai, Spicy Chicken Salad, Sweet/Sour Soup, Peanut Sauce, and Spicy Cashew Chicken. We feasted all day, tasting everyone's food. I seriously doubt I'll be able to re-create with such tastiness, but if you're brave enough, ask and I'll try for ya (we were given books with the exact recipes).

Class lasted 7 hours, so after milling about around town, we caught a burger (again satisfying a Western craving), and off to bed. Big travels tomorrow. I should note how funny it is to see the "touts" (street sellers) get angry at Terri. They speak English to me and Thai to her, as they think she's local. They get quite agitated when we both ignore them, with occasional apparent verbal assaults in her direction. If she played it right, she could score some local discounts... I've been told that my white skin doubles/triples the price on many items, yet still everything is very inexpensive.

Day 16-Back to Chiang Mai

It's purely obvious now that the Mae Hong Son bus servicing center has never invested a penny in shocks. Trying to withstand the sub-arctic temperatures put forth by the air-conditioning, I was dressed in long-sleeves, pants, wrapped in 3 blankets, and knocked around the reclined seat like a pinball. It was a horrible night of sleep, and may I ask: just how many times are armed guards going to board our bus and look at my passport? It seemed like dozens, or at least each time I found sleep, a guard was soon to tap me on the shoulder...

Fortunately, we arrived in Chiang Mai at 4:30 AM, but after a quick tuk-tuk ride to our guesthouse, we blindly assumed it would be open for reception. Yeah, right! It was closed with chained gates and a harmless guard-dog that was good for only wagging his tail and looking at us stupidly. I was even trying to make him bark, to no avail... So I spotted a security guard who let us sit down at another guest-house's restaurant, which we did for a couple of hours in the dark. Lovely.

After finally checking in, we both went comatose for a couple of hours, and hit the Chiang Mai Old Downtown for shopping and temple-viewing. Pizza was for dinner, as my weekly fix has been neglected for 2 weeks now... We actually found an American-style diner, and the food was pretty good.

Day 15-Longneck Tribe

Today we skipped breakfast and headed to the Karen Tribal Village. Unlike the promised Air-Con car, Terri, Orik (from Switzerland), and I were herded into the back of a truck with benches on the side and a roof for cover (the northern Thai tuk-tuk). After an hour, a windy dirt road necessitating Dramamine, and a couple stops by armed guards, we finally arrived at the village-- only a few kilometers from the Burma border.

This tribe is the one you may have seen in National Geographics with the golden (actually brass) rings around their elongated necks, as they're called the Karen-Longneck Tribe. It was quite interesting to see how they live, as they're actually refugees from Burma from all the violence occuring there the past 15 years or so. This village was pretty basic, with bamboo huts on steep hills, a bamboo school, a Catholic Church (1st non-Buddhist people I've seen so far), and LOADS of long-necked women selling their craft. It was less "authentic" than I'd hoped for, and it was obvious these people depended on tourist dollars to survive. They did have their own rice fields and were slaughtering a hog while we were there, but their new culture and way of life has definitely incorporated the fact that white "farangs" like me will travel great distance in the back of a crappy truck and pay 250 Baht to snap a few pics and relay the story. I believe the term for it is, "ethnotourism." I did talk for a while with one woman, as she had a 4-string guitar hanging on her stand. She even played/sang a chanting type song, which was very neat. And she was gracious enough to let me have a crack at it too, which was great fun.

We actually briefly visited the Lisu Village as well on the way back, but apparently EVERY villager was cutting rice (it's harvest time), cause it looked like a ghost-town. After seeing the 5th or 6th sign indicating this was a high malaria area, I bolted to the truck, realizing I'd just ingested my last malarone tablet this morning. An unsettling feeling, for sure....

We met Angel from Hong Kong again for dinner, again spicy Thai curry for all. 9 PM brought us to the bus station, where we embarked back to Chiang Mai. 9 hours of fun, but we booked the "nice" air-conditioned bus, if there is such a thing. We'll see...

Day 14-More Rafting

After a "wonderful" night of sleep, I woke at 5 AM with a need for the "hole in the ground" outhouse. During my quiet time in the shed, a delightful little field mouse found it time to join me and scamper across the bamboo about a foot from my head. It was a moment with nature that I could have done without. The rest of the day was spent rafting, swimming in the river, and racing/splashing the other raft. The sun was out in full force, and it was a great trip. 2 days rafting, accomodations (if you call a bamboo hut "accomodations"), all meals, drink, and guides for $50. Most rafting trips anywhere I've done is $60-$80, just for a single day. Get out here while the dollar's still strong enough!

We were dropped in Mae Hong Son, another small village in the Northern Mountains. Only about 15 km from Burma. We met our new friend Angel from Hong Kong for dinner, and off to bed...

Day 13-Rafting Trip, First Day

This morning we packed our bags and headed to Pai Adventure Rafting for a 2 day trip down the Pai River. After a few pointers and an hour ride to the river, our group of 12 hit the river in 2 rafts. Our raft was a fun bunch, with Terri and I, a single girl from Hong Kong, and a couple from London. Unfortunately, it's no longer rainy season (which isn't all that bad in itself...), so the water level was low. All class II's and a couple of III's.

The Pai River meanders through the jungle, so there were plenty of birds, 3 foot lizards, and a couple of gibbon monkeys calling in the forest. Our guide was named Poo (I'm not kidding), and he was a spirited young Thai fella. Especially since he was sipping on Jungle Juice the whole way, sharing with us. It was actually Rice Moonshine from the Tribal Village, and tasted/smelled a lot like tequila--although much stronger.

Saying our camp was "basic" that night would be an understatement. I'm quite used to roughing it, but not in a bamboo-floored hut, 2 feet off the ground, mosquito net with plenty of holes, non-flushing toilet in a bamboo outhouse, no shower at all, and in stinky old sleeping bags and no pillows. Where's a Thai Masseuse when you need em'? Apparently not in the middle of the jungle near the Burmese Border. The food actually was pretty good, and the campfire in the jungle was nice for story-swapping and joke telling as well. By the way, I won "most embarassing story." Thanks to my buddy Matt Rhees.

Day 12-Human Elephant Projectiles and Cave Critters

Breakfast was peanut butter n' jelly, a nice reminder of Western Food. We embarked on an anticipated event this morning, headed to the elephant camp on the Pai River. I can actually say I've been on an elephant before, although this experience certainly proved unique. These beasts are huge and intimidating. To climb on, they actually lift their right front leg, bending the knee. You stand on the leg, grab hold of their enormous ear with both hands, and pull yourself up (quite akwardly, I might add, as it's much higher up than you'd think).

The ride was quite calm at first, heading down the road, checking out the mountains and rice paddies. As we entered the river, I began to think, "Ummmm, these things don't trip and fall, do they?" Yes, a little scared. So we cruised down the river for about 15 minutes, stopping at a river bank. I should preface this story by saying these animals are highly trained and understand a multitude of commands from our Thai Guides. So Terri and I are riding together, and before we know it, the beast is spraying water over its head at us and full rip. I would estimate to say the pressure coming out of their trunk is worthy of any fire hose. It was very fast, and very cold. Little did we know, but to our Guides, WE were the entertainment this day.

After several dousings, our elephant was then commanded to do a nose-dive into the river, sending Terri and myself headfirst into the river over the elephant. Uhh, thanks, did I sign up for THAT? Was that in the waiver? Oh wait, there's no Waiver? Are you kidding? After climbing back on (I'm not sure why), we continued to be pawns in their game, repeatedly being sprayed and thrown into the river in all directions. If you haven't been ejected and fallen on by an elephant in a river before, I suggest it with utmost caution. It was a blast and thoroughly scary at the same time.

After curry and phad thai for lunch, we headed to Tham Lot caves for our afternoon tour. This cave system is rather large, consisting of 3 giant chambers and a river flowing through. We hired a "lantern boy," a guide, and another guy to push our bamboo raft at the impassable spots. The caverns were really worthwhile, and again, an experience you'd never get in the US. Terri and I had the place to ourselves with the guides, and although there were a couple times they said, "Don't go there," we generally could cruise and get as close as we wanted to anything.

At the rear entrance of the cave was one of the spookier things I've witnessed. 300,000 swallow birds enter the cave at sunset, and they were ripping into the cave at full blast when we got there. The sky was blackened at the cave's mouth, literally. And in case you're wondering, the answer is YES. Bird bombs were dropped, we were targets, and we are wounded. I need to go change my shirt. Goodnight.

Day 11-Insane Pai Frogs

Before checking out, I had discovered that indeed the hostel has not returned a pair of pants from the laundry. After it was apparent they'd been lost (hmmm....), it came to "negotiation time." Suprisingly, we got the room and all laundry for free, which helps the pocket-book somewhat. I didn't like those pants much anyway. Our transport arrived early, and we headed to Pai along the mountainous "Road of 400 turns." Dramamine was my friend today after 4 hours of this. Pai is a hip, groovy little town stuck in the mountains near the Burma border. It's nothing but bungalow guesthouses and neat restaurants, with nice mountain scenery in all directions. And most important, MUCH cooler due to the elevation. We watched the sunset from the mountain-top temple, Wat Mae Yen, and after I save this and get some Pad Thai, will be off to sleep...

...although I thought this day had no other memorable events, I was proven wrong by one albino frog, about as big as my hand. As I was using the restroom in our bungalow (which is basically an outside attachment), this frog exhibited what could only be described as "kamikaze type amphibian behavior." Any attempt I made to rid this pest of our domain was equally matched by spastic leaps directly at me, only to the delight of our friend Terri. Without the "catlight" reflexes by Yours Truly, I'm sure I'd be sitting here with a frog attached to my nose as we speak... I'm not sure who was "in charge" of this situation, but the use of our water bucket (for flushing) and a laminated scuba dive tables sheet were the ultimate tools for removal. I hope our paths don't cross again.

Day 10-A Day in the North

Arrving to Chiang Mai at noon, we headed to the Seven Sun Guesthouse and dropped laundry off. I could get used to having people to my laundry for $3... Before ending commentary on the train, I should mention the toileting services offered. Apparently the restroom comes equipped with a small, stinky, stall with a stainless steel "hole" in the floor. There is a treaded area on both sides, apprently for foot grip. The rest is for your imagination, but I avoided all contact with the contraption, unless utter desperation arose.

After settling into the lodge, we headed for Doi Suthep Wat, a very nice temple on top of a very windy mountain rode. We argued the guy into taking us up and back for $3, which seemed like a bargain, but after nearly tossing our cookies, it's debatable. The mountain-top temple was filled with temples and gold, along with about 200 stairs to climb. It was really nice.

Immediately following, we were picked up for dinner at the Cultural Center Thai Dinner and Show. Here, we sat on the floor and were served a HUGE Northern Thai traditional dinner, and it was oustanding. Some of the best food yet, while entertained by an hour and a half dance show. Cost? $6 each, including all you can eat food, show, flower lei, and transport to and from. Ridiculous.

Day 9-Transport from Cambodia to North Thailand

Today started with an early flight to Bangkok, and I was none-too sad to leave Siem Reap. However, there's a lot to learn from the people, and the temples are like nothing I've seen. After arrving at the hostel, I again proved I'm incapable of operating a telephone in Thailand. Truly inept. After sweating a half liter of water and raising my core body temp. to 108 degrees inside the phone booth, I gave up on the futile mission. Internet was much easier.

By this point, I've eaten nothing but Asian food for a week, and my body was dying for a Western fix. McDonald's proved worthy, and dare I say, "better" than in the US. Certainly not as greasy.

To end our tour, we hit the boats of the Chao Phraya River and photographed the sun setting over the temples. Nice. The remainder of the day was spent at the train station, for a 10 PM night train to the north, specifically, Chiang Mai. Against all good virtues and fortune, the trans-sexual train steward/stewardess peeked into our 1st Class cabin and sweetly, but horrifyingly, tendered a "Good Night Brian..." after we declined our food. Apparently I was object of his/her affection, as Terri was completely ignored. I prayed myself to sleep that I wouldn't dream about he/she.

Day 8-Exploring Siem Reap

With no sunrise to catch, taxi driver to ask us for more $, or "temple boys" to tug at my pantlegs, we wisely scheduled nothing today and slept in past 7 for the first time in what seems to be a week. It was nice. Even nicer was my first experience of Monday Morning Football (without Hank Williams Jr., Thank God), with live NFL games televised on ESPN and FOX. I never thought I'd get my fix in Siem Reap! It's been a long week, struggling through really bad TV, and even worse, soccer...

Today we decided to walk around the markets and downtown to see what life is like. We were met at the tuk tuk by 3 land mine victims, all with amputated limbs and hats out for $. It's nothing we've ever considered in the US, but in the jungle and basically anywhere outside of town, land mines are very much an issue here and we've been warned not to venture offroad. Scary. I walked into a downtown rehab clinic this AM a little later, asking how things work. It doesn't seem people get much of anything here, and this particular office was actually being funded till next summer by the Finnish Embassy, as Cambodia has little $ to invest in social services. There's definitely a great need here, after viewing many of the mine victims the last few days, their equipment is quite minimal. Out of dozens of victims I've seen so far, I've seen only one prosthetic leg the entire time, with most hobbling around on crutches and some even crawling without them. Not a single wheelchair seen so far.

Also notable today was the Old Market place. They were selling the same stuff we've seen the last several days, with many bargains to be found. To my distaste, we strolled through the meat/fruit market, which resembled Pike Place Market in Seattle in no way whatsoever. The stench of the meat literally made me sick, and we saw some pieces of meat for sale literally COVERED in flies. It made me REALLY hope that our prior day's meals consisted of food bought nowhere within a 10 mile radius of this place.

After stumbling around all day and refusing several hundred people's requests for $ or tuk tuk rides, the sun was setting and Terri spotted a bat in the park. Little did we know, but about 25 ficus trees, all about 100 feet tall, stand through the park. And each tree had hundreds of HUGE fruit bats in them. I mean, 6 foot wing span bats. About the size of Bald Eagles. So we watched them jostle around during sunset, and as dusk set in, the flight of a couple thousand huge flying mammals was quite eerie. Kind of like that Hitchcok movie with all the birds.

Dinner tonight was at a Cambodian Buffet/Dancing show, which was quite nice. All the food I could stuff in, a few apple-bananas in the backpack for brekkie tomorrow, and I'm now off to bed for an early flight tomorrow. Day 9,

Day 7-Again, More Angkor Wat

We woke at 4 AM today to catch the sunrise over Angkor Wat. Last night our only option at the Guesthouse was a non-AC room, which will definitely be the last time we do that. The fan provided little comfort and it was a pretty miserable, humid night.
Despite his attempt to ask for more $, our driver picked us up at 5 and delivered us to the temple. The sunrise was dramatic, from my digital screen on the camera, I think anyone could take a picture of this setting worthy of any postcard shop. It was stunning, with the colors changing over the top of the silhouetted temple off in the distance, then the sun rising ultimately over the top. After a breakfast of bread and jelly on the steps of a thousand year old gallery, we met our new guide. We offered the driver a $5 bonus to bring us a GOOD English speaking guide, which we interviewed over the phone yesterday. It was hard to tell, so we just had him come along in hopes it worked out. Well, it didn't. We tried really hard to let him speak, and again, Terri and myself found little value in hiring him. He kept telling us stories about revolting cucumber farmers, and that was the last straw... We even on one occasion found him peeking into another tourists book to tell us things about the temple. That very same book I have in my own backpack, as we've used it the last 2 days to educate ourselves. So that was the end of him. I feel like Donald Trump, as I've been in Cambodia for 3 days and fired 3 people.... We paid him for his work and decided our final destination, Angkor Wat, would best be explored alone with our books. It's unfortunate the luck we've had with guides, as we see many speaking English fluently and relaying many interesting facts about the temples.
We gave the driver a break today between 11 and 2 so he could attend a wedding (which he invited us to as long as we bring gifts--uhhh, yeah, no thanks...), and we were able to escape the heat. It was a great idea to do this, as it's sweltering during the middle of the day. Lunch was great at the Green River Guesthouse, a Chinese Restaurant serving Cambodian cuisine. We spurged today, the bill totalling $8 for the 2 of us.
Upon arriving to pick us up, the driver was a little late, only to find out he's been drinking beer at the wedding... Great.... By the time he admitted this with beer-breath, we were halfway to the temple. This was also after he decided to pull over and pee on the side of the road, with basically no objects to cover himself. Also, a memorable moment. Although Terri now reminds me I've peed outside 3 temples (in the jungle I might add), so I have little I can complain on the issue. Anyway, the rest of our afternoon was spent at the actual Angkor Wat, the namesake of the entire complex. Again, this temple is HUGE. It has 3 different levels made of giant boulders all enscripted beautifully with carvings. The place was crawling with people, and we estimated there must have been 1000 people in this temple alone at one time. Some of them were said to have housed 12,000 people, just to give you perspective on their enormity. I spent some time talking to a monk on top, which was rather interesting. The monks obviously live very disciplined lives, but in Cambodia and in Thailand, they can be very young. Some even as young as 8.
So as the sun set, we decided to go outsid the east entrance and try for a sunset picture. As the colors emerged, we met Sean from Boston, who was enduring a trip that blows away anything I've ever heard. He's taking 4 months to view the "wonders of the world," visiting about 25 countries and seeing everything you can imagine, plus plenty of places I've never heard of. As a rabid Red Sox fan, he's photographing people with his Sox hat on in every location. Pretty funny, and Terri was his subject tonight. The sunset was spectacular (better then sunrise), and we met Sean for Cambodian dinner in town.
I think my favorite moment of the day was when a temple boy asked me in English, You buy my postcards, yes?" I said, "Je parle francais" which is the little French I do remember. Then the kid followed me around for 5 minutes speaking French . I should have learned Swahili in High-School, as it would've proven much more useful in ridding this little guy... These kids learn how to sell in English, French, and Japanese. Unbelievable. Off to bed, as tomorrow is a day to relax and enjoy the town. Without a guide!

Day 6-Angkor Wat

We got up early today for another temple run, only to be confronted at breakfast by young Mr. Kunn, the owner of the hostel. He demanded 3x the amount we were quoted from the internet, and despite me showing him the printout records, he continued to say our room was $15 per night, despite even logging onto the net and showing him the highest price listed RIGHT NOW is $6 per room. We're learning more and more that Cambodia is a money grab for these poor people, and they've developed skills that anyone would do in their situation. Regardless, anyone that knows me well would agree that I would tolerate his behavior for about .2 seconds. So after much discussion and my quick conclusion that there was no reasoning with this clown, we paid our bill, packed our bags, and checked into a Japanese Hostel. We later found out from the cab driver that they were angry that we did not book our cab through them and we fired the guide, thus their profit margin on your stay was cut dramatically (they get cuts for every service we employ). Despite observing my response to the hostels tactics, the cab driver too attempted to renegotiate his fee for services, asking $5 more per day--also a non-success. These people don't quit, but how can you blame him?
After our morning fun, it was onto the temples. We went to a different area today, with the highlights being Ta Prohm and Prah Khan. My words are finding it hard to describe how unique this place is, but we've been to only about 10 of the 54 temples so far, they're all beyond what I can say about them. Today's temples literally had the jungle growing into some of the giant brick wall structures, looking like something out of the movies. I hope the pics look halfway as neat as it does in person.
Today the kids were far worse than yesterday. After the hundreth one, it really does grow tiring to have them tugging at your shorts saying, "Buy this for a dollar." I swear, all the English they know ends in "for a dollar." One woman was even breast-feeding her child, everything out for the viewing, and I thought I could hear the baby say, "Buy my milk for a dollar?" Just kidding, but the woman WAS trying to sell us sugar cane candy wrapped in bamboo, with the rest of that story 100% true. We ate lunch at a makeshift restaurant in the jungle, cooked by some women with kids selling us everything they could think of. The food was actually pretty good, as I had Fried Rice with Chicken, Terri had a noodle dish, and 2 large bottled waters came to a negotiated price of $3. Ridiculous.
Upon return we picked up the laundry that I was sure that Mr. Kunn might have burned. Although handwashed and laid out in the sun, it wasn't quite Downy Fresh, but it'll do. Dinner was at a Camobidan GuestHouse and was pretty yummy. I can't quite figure out their food, but I'd describe it as a cross between Thai and Chinese. Rice comes with everything, and the meats and chicken are delicious.

Day 5-Off to Siem Reap, Cambodia

We arose at 4 AM today to catch breakfast and arrive in time for the early flight to Siem Reap. After clearing immigration, we apparently missed the free ride to the hostel and hired a cab. After negotiating a hard bargain, he agreed to be our personal guide for the rest of our stay for $15 a day. All day, and supposedly anywhere we went. Upon check-in, the Guesthouse was none-too-happy that we hired our own driver. We are learning more and more that all referrals in this town lead to a cut off the top. Any driver or restaurant the hotel sends us too, my white skin produces a premium price which they will receive a portion of. It should be noted that upon booking our room 2 months ago, the web price was $5 (pretty nice room too for that price). However, we were met with the information that we were to pay more ($15). I disregarded this as a mistake and conflict to be resolved later, which will more than likely come to a head soon...
Since it's still early, we headed to the Temples of Angkor Wat. If you've not heard of this, it ranks Top 5 coolest things I've ever seen, for sure. Angkor Wat consists of 54 temples spread throughout a huge area, all of them 1000-1200 years old in the Khmer Kingdom Age. After paying $40 for a 3 day pass, our driver took us to several today. Not only are these temples magnificent in appearance and architecture, but it's also set in a surreal location, with cicadas chirping at deafening levels in some spots, monkeys playing around, and a gorgeus blue sky backdrop. I've been told this before going, but this is absolutely true: It's like Indiana Jones, but real life. And it's true. These temples are absolutely HUGE; some of them, 1 km by 1 km. There's statues, carvings, stone enscriptions, and in some places, relics, just lying around on the ground. And the tourists have free reign to just trample wherever we want. It's almost sad that we can do this, as certainly the temples have been disrespected over the years... I've come to the conclusion that the US$ going into the government and these poor people's hands are worth the temporary immediate access to these temples. If this place existed in the US, it would most certainly be completely roped off and there might be a few tours through a couple of them. But certainly not Europeans throwing their garbage on the ground and people climbing and stepping onto ancient enscrypted boulders (which pretty much everyone does, including us).

The other overwhelming thing I've discovered about Cambodia is the people. They've undergone mass genocide just 25-30 years ago, with 3 million killed by the Khmer Rouge. Khmer Rouge was the communist rebels that overthrew the government, deciding it would be wise to kill off all the educated. Wonderful. As a result, the country is wildly underdeveloped, and people are poor. Like Sally Struthers poor, the kind of stuff you see on TV at midnight. As a result, everyone is looking for an angle to make a buck, and children are littered all over the temple region trying to sell you crap. I'm not kidding when I say a total of 200-300 kids in different places today came up to us during the 10 hours we were out there. I've discovered they actually go to school half the day, the other half, selling these junky tourist things. Then they flip-flop. You'll hear things like, "Give me dollar so I go school." This is from kids 4, 5 years old... Pretty sad, as I've been to a lot of cities, but not seen poverty like this. They actually live in the jungles in huts and this is their day to day existence. Pretty wild.
We continued on to see about 8 temples today, as some of them actually can take hours to go through. We actually had a guide for $20 a day initially, but had to "fire" him about 5 minutes into the tour because we couldn't understand a word of his English. Later to find out, our hotel hired him although he was only a student of English. This was the first mark against Jasmine Guest House...
After a full day, we climbed 250 feet to the top of a ridge to the top of a temple was itself at least 300 feet tall, viewing the sunset over the Cambodian countryside. Very cool. Upon return, we had a great spicy dinner at the lodge... Beef curry with veggies and spring rolls.... Yummy.

Day 4-Ayuthaya

Today we woke up very early for the Ayutthaya Ruins Day Trip. Ayutthaya is the old capital of Thailand, with ruins of temples dating back several centuries. The Burmese at one time occupied the city, and smashed up many of them. It was quite interesting seeing what was left. After a 6 AM pickup, we spent nearly 2 hours collecting our tour group (I was thrilled about this), and we arrived at the ruins by air conditioned minivan (AC is a term spoken loosely when describing this dumpy van) by 9. Our guide spoke about 2 words of English that Terri or I could discern: "Temple" and "Pagoda." That was it. And she WAS speaking English. So I'm told. Fortunately, an expat named Russ that lived here for 4 years taught us more about the history and culture of Thailand than we've learned the prior 4 days. We visited 3 different ruins sites, took a longtail boaride (as seen in James Bond--"Man with the Golden Gun"), and after much negotiations and bickering, communicated to our "pleasant" tour guide that we indeed did not want to go to the crappy gem shop in Bangkok that she was certainly paid to take us to at the end of the trip. The other poor, unsuspecting guests of the tour were apparently not advised of this trick, as guides and "touts" receive commisions for any business you do at a place they take you to. It's quite aggrivating to constantly be bothered and preyed upon, and I hope the rest of Thailand doesn't have this. Regardless, we were dropped at the monorail and escaped Gem Ripoff City.
The rest of the day was spent at Jim Thompson's House, a famoust US Expat who after WWII, developed a wildly successful silk business. His old mansion and grounds were nice, as was the obligatory guest-shop. After meandering around, we grabbed some Thai dinner and headed over to the Redlight District, Patong. Pretty greasy, ugly place. If I have one more tout grab my arm, saying "Buy Sex DVD," some Thai punk might regret his occupation... Anyway, I was glad to leave that place and head back here to the hostel. Off to pack for Cambodia, as we have an early flight.... Oh, by the way, dinner tonight was 2 appetizers, 2 drinks, and 2 entrees, for a total of 350 baht. Just short of $4 total, in a pretty decent place and yummy Thai fare. I can get used to this... Also, if you're ever in Patong and walk by a bar named "Screwboy,"I highly recommend you don't peak in the window. HUGE mistake. I wish I could erase that visual from memory.... Don't worry, no one appeared underage, but that doesn't make it any better.

Day 3-More Bangkok

This was a crazy busy day. We again took the SkyTrain to the River, caught a boat, and went to the Temples. Today we did Wat Pho (HUGE reclining golden Buddha), The Grand Palace, Wat Phra Kaeo (a 3 foot emerald Buddha resting about 40 feet high on top of an immaculate golden throne), and the National Museum. Next to Wat Pho is the famous Thai Massage Training School, which we partook of for a total of $4. In case you've never had one, Thai massage specializes in treading the fine line between excruciating pain and complete relaxation. It was nice, but my hamstrings and back forced out audible grunts of pain for the duration.... Terri's masseuse was about 80 pounds and treated her well. Mine was built like a linebacker and wrapped me into plenty of painful positions. Terri, an apparent sadistic soul, continues to find this humorous.
An afternoon monsoon swept in, providing a timely relief for some Thai food at an EASY to find restaurant, and we headed over to Khao San Road. This place is Backpacker Central. There's literally hundreds of roadside travel agents and streetside vendors begging for your business. I bought a pair of flip-flops for a buck, bartering them down from $1.50. Always a deal to be found... We then headed over to Wat Saket, another Temple with graves lining a winding hill with a golden temple atop. Although repeated warnings that it was closed, we foraged ahead, which was quite creepy with the sun going down. At the top, we met a very friendly monk with good English, who escorted us back down and pointed us to the boxing rink. After talkig a tuk-tuk driver into taking us for 50 cents, we went to see Thai Boxing. It features 16-20 year old kids, all 100 pounds soaking wet, and all able to whip anybody I know. These guys were tough, and Thai Boxing is "anything goes." Knees, elbows, kicking, punching. Terri and I sat in the top with all the locals betting each other, making deafening noise,and for the most part disregarding the fight. I was quite thankful of Terri's ethnicity this night, as they let me stay in the section, but kicked all the other white folks out of their seats and made them sit across the way. Well after a healthy dose of violence, we found a cab and after much banter with our driver, we found our way to the SkyTrain and back home. Dinner and sleep was imminent...

Day 2-Touring Bangkok

After experiencing a Seattle fall and a taste of a few winter days, 95 degrees F and 100% humidity is what we woke up to. Thank God our TINY hostel room has AC. By the way, the room is probably 7 x 9, with a bed covering basically the whole space and a small aisle to drop our backpacks. I guess I can't ask much more for $5 a night, but in all reality, this place is pretty nice compared to most hostels. After making arrangements with a travel agent, we hit the Chao Phraya River on a tour boat to downtown. The contrast to the Thai to the average US citizen's life was quite apparent. Bangkok is an extremely dirty city, with roads that would rank #1 in the US as far as congestion and BAD DRIVERS. The roads are so packed that instead of getting a cab, it's much easier to employ a tuk-tuk, which is basically a tricked out 3-Wheeler with a metal cage welded in the rear that seats 2 people in back like a chariot. This thing is fast and zips all over the place. It's quite scary, but if you like inhaling diesel fumes and paying 30 Baht (about 75 cents), these things will take you a long way. You can also rent motorcycle taxis and sit on the back, but I'm not that insane yet. Back to the river.... So we hit the boat and cruised up the river, which provided a welcomed breeze after already sweating about a gallon of water through my shirt. We were dropped at Wat Arun (Wat means "temple" and Wat Arun means "Temple of the Dawn"). The temple was in a word, awesome, and hopefully pictures will do it justice. These temples in Bangkok are amazing. They are so detailed, intricate, and full of gold Buddhas. HUNDREDS of gold Buddhas in some cases. I won't carry on with this, but hopefully the pics will turn out.

After visiting the grounds, we decided it was time to eat. Despite the very detailed map I have, we decided to walk into Chinatown and look for a restaurant. Well, that was quite a bad idea. In Chinatown, you can find 10,000 streetside stands selling half cooked chicken and dehydrated fish on a stick, so we kept walking. And walking. And walking.... 2 hours later, we were completely lost, famished, and desperate for ANY restaurant. McDonalds would have done it. Long story short, we found a fancy hotel with a Chinese Restaurant. We ordered some Thai dishes and listened to some REALLY tone-deaf Chinese women utterly destroy some tunes on Karaoke. The ambience was magic, let me tell ya... Following the meal, it was time to place a phone call to Panu, a business contact of my Dad's. I could tell Terri wanted to laugh, as it literally took me 15 minutes, a couple 4 letter words, and the aid of a hotel concierge to properly place a payphone call. The same routine followed on my 2nd phone call too. Apparently I'm a slow learner.

After impatiently waiting for the travel agent to book our overpriced plane tickets (does it really take an hour to book a plane and train ticket?), we rushed back to the hotel to get ready for dinner. Panu picked us up and we met his brother Chuck at "The Oriental," a REALLY tasty Thai restaurant. This is the best Thai food either of us has either had, by far. I ate till my next bite would have proven embarassing. Panu and Chuck were both quite friendly and we will call them upon our return to Bangkok in 30 days.

Day 1-In Bangkok

Day 1, Nov. 8: Flew at noon from Seattle to Tokyo. 13 hours is a long time to "pretzel up" into a plane, but I survived with the assistance of a sleeping pill and little sleep the prior night. I was nearly comatose the entire time in the airport, but did observe that I'm one of the tallest people in Narita Airport, their magazines have their front cover on the bag page, and their food in the shops are both weird and overpriced. Strange things... The flight to Bangkok was delayed, but we made it to BKK about 7 hours later, ending the 20 hour voyage. Terri and I arrived in BKK at 1 AM, making us 2 tired pups.